I gave birth for the first time in 2021.

I wish I could say I’m here because it was such a magical, life-giving experience.

The reality was quite the opposite.

(Disclaimer - this is the hard story! I promise it gets better later!)

When preparing for my first birth, I took the all-too-common approach of going to my 5 minute prenatal appointments, watching the birth class from my hospital, and thinking that whatever I needed to know would be explained to me whenever it was time. I was nervous to give birth, but excited at the same time, and generally felt like things would work out. I did not bother creating a birth plan because I trusted the doctors and hospital staff knew what was best.

When the time came and I went to the hospital, I was completely blindsided by what actually happened. While I believe my hospital care team had genuinely decent intentions, I became lost in routine, unnecessary procedures - each of which lead smoothly into the next, and then the next. I was told, “now we’re just going to ___” instead of being informed and asked for consent. Potential risks and side effects were not explained to me. When my intuition kicked in during labor, I had neither the confidence nor the knowledge to advocate for myself. By the time I was pushing, it felt like my labor was happening to me while I watched in terror. The joy of meeting my precious son was intertwined with intense fear that I had lost my own bodily autonomy, shame that I had failed to be in charge of my own birth, and betrayal at my body. Immediately after arriving home, I remember thinking:

“I KNOW birth can be better than that.”

I’m Mannah. Giving birth completely changed my life.

Hello!

At about 10 months postpartum, I discovered I was pregnant again. I knew deep in my soul that birth did not have to be inherently traumatic and I became determined - ok, maybe even obsessed - with preparing, learning, and praying for a better experience. I found a provider who aligned with my newfound physiological birth philosophy and who took the time to get to know me, whose prenatal appointments were 1 hour long and spanned the topics of nutrition, mental health, birth education, and what was going on with my work and family.

My husband and I attended an in-person, all day homebirth prep class lead by a team of two birth doulas. The difference between the doula class and the hospital class was night and day. The doulas focused on giving us the information and tools to feel confident making decisions, recognizing the stages of labor, and coping with pain without fear. There were many times that day that I leaned over to my husband with tears in my eyes to say “I wish I would have known this.” This education changed everything as we prepared to give birth again.

The other huge difference between my first and second births was the people who surrounded me. For my first, a hospital birth in the middle of the pandemic, my husband was the only person allowed to be with me. At my second birth, I had the added support of my mom, my sister, and a close friend who was also pregnant. Having these loved ones at arm’s reach gave me a safety net of prayer, security, and teamwork. I could borrow their strength when needed and felt safe to do exactly what I needed to do to get this baby out.