5 Ways a Doula Supports Partners in Labor & Birth
This post is for you if you’ve been asking yourself the following questions:
Do I need a doula if my partner will be with me for labor and birth?
Will my doula get in the way of my partner supporting me?
How will my partner know what to do when I’m in labor?
How do I show my partner hiring a doula is a good investment?
Will having another person in the room take away from the intimate birth experience we are hoping for?
Who you choose to be on your birth team can seriously make or break your birth experience.
A loving and supportive partner is an irreplaceable pillar of support, but add a trusted, educated doula to your birth team and you’ve got a tag-teaming duo who can make sure you are continuously supported, can powerfully advocate for you (two is better than one…and a strand of three is not easily broken 😉), and can split attention between you and the baby immediately after the delivery if needed.
Below are just a few of the ways doulas can team up with partners to make epic daddy-doula-delivery-duos!
1. Your doula can be a steady emotional compass in uncertainty.
Labor and birth can be pretty shocking if you haven’t witnessed it before. You may see the beautiful mother of your child behaving in ways neither of you imagined. There may be noises. And unusual movements and positions. She may say things she would never normally say. There WILL be bodily fluids. Is something wrong? How will I know if everything is okay? My wife is yelling - is this normal?
Then dad looks at the doula - she is not panicking. She is not worried. She smiles at dad. “You and mom are doing such a wonderful job.” Dad borrows some of her calmness and returns his focus to mama, feeling confident that everything is fine.
2. Your doula can show your partner exactly what to do to help you.
If dad is feeling less than confident as far as comfort measures, the right doula will be the perfect person to demonstrate pain management techniques like hip squeezes, show how to focus mom’s breathing, and partner positions mom can try out. Even after taking a birth class, it can be a lot to try to remember all of the different positions and comfort measures when you are actually in the thick of it during labor. Your doula will be right there to point you in the right direction when you feel lost.
3. With double the support, neither partner nor doula has to go without rest and nourishment.
Continuous support with as little interruption as possible helps mom to stay focused on her labor flow and feel supported and loved, but labor can go on for many hours, or sometimes even days. Even the most devoted partner needs to step away at times to rest and replenish (aka dad’s gonna need to pee and get a snack at some point). With two people there, they can take turns getting the rest they need to stay alert and energized to provide the best support possible throughout the duration of labor, however long it may be. Your doula may also be able to help if there’s something you forgot to bring to your birthing place or other last minute logistical issues.
4. Your doula can facilitate positive communication between you and your medical provider.
Labor and birth can involve a lot of decision-making about interventions or medications, especially if there is some kind of emergency. Your doula is an educated resource to help you and your partner dialogue about your options, trust your intuition, and make the right decision for your birth. If there is ever a concern, or if informed consent seems like it’s being compromised, your doula can be the one to say, “Hi provider! We were wondering if you could explain the benefits/risks/alternatives etc for that thing you wanted to do!” and can help everyone get on the same page with positivity and understanding.
5. Your doula can protect your birthing environment so dad can focus on YOU.
Does your birth plan say you want dim lights, calm voices, worship music playing, no cervical checks without consent given each time? Put your doula in charge of all that stuff so your partner can stay completely focused on being by your side! You told your MIL she couldn’t come to the birth but she showed up anyway? Send the doula! Bonus tip: bring extra copies of your birth plan and your doula can help distribute them to anyone who makes their way into your room.
